Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
