your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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