I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
