WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
