If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
