i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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