I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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