just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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