I think i sorta joined a cult last night
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize