I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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