There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
