Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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