I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
