Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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