Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
