I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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