She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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