I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize