the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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