Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
