im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
