Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
