Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
