So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
