I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
