sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
