I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
