Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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