oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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