WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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