i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
