We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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