he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
not ubering you a puppy
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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