You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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