The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
