Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
