i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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