Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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