do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
