My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
