Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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