i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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