I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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