my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
