I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
