im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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