Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize