dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
