very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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