Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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