based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
