Need sex. Gaining weight.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
