Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
