Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
