mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
