Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
