Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
