I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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