So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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