is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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