Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
a search helicopter?!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
