yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
