what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
