I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Randomize
