Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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