i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't deserve a penis
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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