We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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