YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
