i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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