Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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