no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
