You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
