If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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