Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
