fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
