Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
