I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
