So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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