She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
