Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
