Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
