Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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