your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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