I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
