Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
