i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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