I feel like abortions should bother me more
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
