im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
