I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
...so i touched it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize