I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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