Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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