before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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