I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Two words: blizzard sex
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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