Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
