I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
