I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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