So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
